The Break-Up Survival Guide Pt. 3

Anger – @!##$%(^*&#$#

This is natural. In fact, this is good. At least you've stopped moping. But now you're starting to think about revenge. You go around cursing their name. You say, "How could he/she?" and "This is all his/her fault." and "Idiot/ Bitch/ Asshole/ Whorreee." Yes even I who was never able to stay mad at him for 5 minutes had this anger in me that I couldn't fully express. It wasn't so much as him as at what he was doing and what he had done.

I hate him.

I hate his stupid retarded look with his mouth hanging open and his eyes all glazed over.

I hate his little boy smile and the weird funny faces that he makes.

I hate his stupid yellow slippers and flowery green shorts.

I hate that he can not reply my messages for hours. 

-‘Hate: A Strong Word’, You Know You Love Me, October 28^th 2008

So you wish you could get even but really, you're just lashing out in anger. If you really really think about it you know that once you get down to it... you don't want to get even because if you really did love that person, hurting them will probably hurt you too, more if not as much. Sure you hate them, you’re mad at them, they may well have been horrid but if you think about it, you did go out with them for some time – were they really that bad? If so you're either a bad judge or character or slightly stupid no? So, no, you loved them, they weren’t that bad. All that stuff you’re bitching about… you’d still take them back in a heartbeat. So what do you do now?

 

Vent.

 

1. Talk to your friends who will gleefully help you plan to castrate/ murder the bad ex (yes, time to refer to him/ her as the EX – partly because I’m tired of writing him/ her) with a very blunt spoon, or a plastic fork – your preference really, I'd go for the butter knife if I were you. Some times you just need to let it out. What you don't do is go up to your ex and start yelling and cursing at them. Don't start trash talking, especially to mutual friends because really, it only reflects badly on your character. If he/she's really all that bad, people can tell, they don't need to be told. Careful what you say when you're angry because you might find that you regret it.

 

Note: Yes I'm one to talk because I did say a few (ok, a lot of) angry things but when it's really come down to it, I've also defended him (no easy feat I assure you) and never once did I ever say he was a bad boyfriend.

 

“I realize that whatever anger I had for you has all but dissipated. This is ridiculous. I could stay angry at my people for ages. I never forgave them, not even when they asked for it. Here you are, not asking for it, not asking for anything and I forgive you.”

 

-Letters,  December 21^st 2008-

 

2. Or you could write it out. Put down all those angry words in a diary, in a blog. The things I really couldn't say (on my public blog), I wrote out in letters. I have 30 pages worth of letters I wrote after breaking up with him.

 

And you know what I really hate?? I hate that I don't actually hate any of it. What I really hate is that he's gone and I won't have to put up with his stupid retarded look or his annoying insensitivity or his strange clothes. I never have to be so mad or so sad... or so happy

 

So !@#$&*^!#@#$%^& I say.. !@#$&*^!#@#$%^&

Some days I just want to SCCCCRREEEEAAMMM at you. !@#$&*^!#@#$%^&

 

"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone... they will be forced to deal with pain."-James Arthur Baldwin-

 

-‘Hate: A Strong Word’, You Know You Love Me, October 28^th 2008

 

3. You can even draw. I had this little notebook I would draw in - nothing fancy mind you cause all I can do is stick figures. I got the idea off 'If You're Happy and You Know It' A book full of such drawings by a guy who was asked to do so as a form of therapy. I did it partly because I was in China - hence isolated from all forms of communication and all my friends for 5 days, right at the time when I needed them most, I had no one to talk to so I resorted to drawing it out (cause I was too lazy to write)

As you can see, it doesn't have to be complicated, anything that works for you goes really.

 

4. Hit something. See for me, I had Taekwon-do. I had this perfect avenue with which to release all my pent up anger and frustration. But if you don't, join a martial art (though I suggest learning how to throw a proper punch before going full on sparring) or get a punching bag or even just whack your pillow and scream, screaming helps and better at inanimate objects than at people.

 

-'Anger Management', You Know You Love Me, October  26^th  2008-

See it's important to let out your anger because at this stage you will have a lot of it and bottling it up will not help you. But you also have to let it out at the right time and the right place so as much as you like you cannot lunge across the cafeteria to bludgeon your ex to death with a plastic cup (or is it only me who thinks of these things?) Also, it’s important not to take it out on your friends and those trying to help you.

 

Note: If you’re a friend of someone whose going though a break-up try to understand that the seemingly spontaneous combustions have nothing to do with you, try not to feel offended or hurt because chances are the other person is only channeling pent up frustration. I know I did. And I’m glad my friends stuck around for all that crap.

 

The thing about being angry is, there's a fine line between productive and destructive. There's a difference between thinking and talking about something and actually doing it. You have to vent but try to be rational and not do things that you'll regret.

Disclaimer: All that stuff regarding murder and castration with various pieces of cutlery is comic exaggeration. I did not actually think of stabbing him to death with a spoon (it was more like a spork) and if you really must know I did not really go through this stage because for the most part, I could never be angry enough. So there you go, it's all in the name of humour, because we all need a little laugh and I need to be able to laugh about this. If you take the least bit of offense in this you don't have a sense of humour. In the words of the author or www.thingsmyboyfriendsays.com, go here.

Confession # 54: I can't draw =( Look...

 

Told you. 

But I've been adding more illustrations to break-up the monotony of what SOME people call a WOT (wall of text for my fellow tech retards)