The Break-Up Survival Guide Pt. 1

I shall be dealing with this in a series (partly because its already so bloody long, I've got many many pages of this on Microsoft Word - which I don't normally use to edit my posts but this is an exception cause its so bloody long) 

Some times it comes pretty suddenly, some times it drags out over weeks and months. It doesn't really matter how long it takes to come about because when it does, it's no less shocking, no less painful, no less devastating. What am I talking about? Breaking up. Getting dumped.

So here you are - left out in the biting cold, lost in the wilderness, adrift and alone in the cruel world of new romance movies every two months and cuddly couples every two steps- suddenly single. But wait. Was it really all that sudden? Think about it...

This was your girlfriend/ boyfriend, a rather serious one I assume (or you wouldn’t really be needing this)? You guys loved each other? You guys shared a significant part of your lives? You guys knew each other in ways and depths no one else did? Yes, yes, yes and yes. Which now begs the question; if you knew him/ her so well, spent so much time together and shared all that stuff… logically, would you not be the first person to notice if something was wrong? Little things, small differences? How their responses appear more curt, how their “I love you’s” sound different; less enthusiastic, more hesitant or how they don’t even say it at all, how their eyes avoid yours, how they close off and stop telling you things, how they seem hesitant to touch you when before brushing your hair, touching your waist or squeezing your arm and so on seemed so natural. Sound familiar?

“I asked him if he loved me. He said it got less every time we fought. And some feelings had left but some were still there. Today I realise he never used the word love.”

 

“Things feel different. Some things are the same, some things have changed. Little things; He doesn't sit next to me like he used to. He doesn't look at me the same way. He doesn't stay close to me anymore. I know he needs time.”

 

“I think he is going to break up with me tomorrow. He is avoiding me. I can't tell if he's confused or if he really is just through with me. I want to know. I don't want to know. It's killing me, the way he ignores me some times or the way he deliberately moves away from me. I think he is going to break up with me and yet I sit here and wait for him to do it instead of ending it myself. Why? Because... I am hoping, secretly hoping, hoping so much that I can barely admit it to myself, that I am wrong.”

 

-Excerpts, ‘Broken’, You Know You Love Me, October 16^th 2008- 

Looking back on it, as objectively as you can, can you honestly say that you didn’t see it coming? Even I who found it to be all very sudden, the official breakup was... inevitable. And in a never before spoken of revelation, on the day we broke up, we sat down on this bench and for two seconds we just held hands and didn't speak until I mustered up the courage to choke out the words, "You're breaking up with me aren't you?" Rhetorical question. I didn't ask "Are we breaking up?" I just said it point blank. Why? Because all those little things you brush off as nothing, all those little things you try not to fuss over because you’re giving him time, giving him space- all those little things tell you everything. 

Now you thought that was hard... here comes the harder part, moving on. You know how they say there are 5 stages to grief? Well it's true.

Phew. Told you it was long. And I haven't even started. More coming up. Stay tuned.

Edit: It was even longer before but I've since split it up.

Confession #51: