Cry Out

I cried out heaven save me

But I'm down to one last breath

And with it let me say

Let me say

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking

That maybe six feet

Ain't so far down

-One Last Breath, Creed-

"The more you know the more you know you don't know." -Socrates

People think that if you're in Oxford you must be smart. I don't feel smart.


I feel like people are expecting things of me that I can't give. That I don't have.

Lectures are picking up pace. I know so much that I now know I know nothing.

Feeling damn stupid right now. Just did the most fucking stupid thing. Like seriously. Shall explain when its sorted... hopefully.

To Write Love On Her Arms

I completely forgot to blog about this:

To Write Love On Her Arms

A fantastic effort by people all over the world to give hope to those who no longer know where to look for it. I know I'm like 3 days late posting this though =(

But me being me, still had to get my 2 cents in. Depression is a scary thing, and a dangerous thing. You feel alone and unloved and like you don't belong in the world. So when you're depressed, there's nothing quite like knowing that people care to bring you around. To walk down the street and see this symbol of support on some random stranger's arm... on the arms of many random strangers... it makes the world feel a little less lonely I should think.

It was a pretty amazing thing - so many messages from so many places in so many languages. An ex-Uplander complied pictures of friends the world over who took part in this on FB. I don't know if she reads my blog but if she does I hope she doesn't mind me ripping the pictures off of her.

Everyday, know love and know hope =)

Oh oh and this is mine. Sadly it was on lab day so I had only one class and the rest of the day, my arms had to be properly covered lest I spill some corrosive chemical (which I did actually) Can we say epic epic fail?

Creepy isn't it? I thought I ought to make use of the scary looking scar on my wrist. This scar has gotten me quite a few strange and rather worried looks. In case you guys are wondering though, I did not cut myself. The true story though is a whole lot more trivial and probably a lot worse. I'll tell you some time.

Have some Teddy Love =)

(Teddy Hall is the nickname for my college btw)

FYI

You know how I wasn't going to return to Malaysia till summer and tough it out for a year in the UK? Well... that's changed.

I'M GOING HOME

Its just about official, I'm going home for Christmas. The reason for this is that I didn't get the job I wanted with my uni so that means no free accommodation which means flying home is actually the cheapest alternative. Plus all the friends I was going to bunk with are flying home and leaving me homeless. My original plans were to stay in Oxford for 2 weeks, travel to London for another 2 and Manchester for 1 before returning to Oxford a week before term starts.

In case you do Math while reading sentences - you poor deprived person- that adds up to 6 weeks. That's right - I get a 2 month term and a 6 week holiday. I assume its to let me properly rest and recuperate before they try and kill me with work again. I am sure I am slowly dying because I've fallen sick for the second time in less than 2 months. And I had a flu vaccine before coming over.

Anyway, what this means for you lucky buggers is that your beloved (don't smirk, I have presents) friend will be returning to Penang to celebrate - not only Christmas - but also New Year's! In fact if all goes well (still trying to sort out the travel arrangements) I will touchdown in Penang at 10.00 a.m. on the 6th December. Just in time to celebrate my 19th birthday. (Hint: PRESENTS!)

My dad (who misses me I tell you!!!) just made my mummy get Skype and every night they bug me to "COME HOME LA. STAY FOR WHAT?" Their reasons being "SO COLD YOU SICK ALREADY. THE FOOD ALSO NOT NICE. SOME MORE YOUR FRIENDS ALL COMING BACK. WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO STAY?" I guess that builds a pretty strong case.

Truth is, I was originally quite excited about traveling throughout the UK and was a littttllleee disappointed I wouldn't get to but then I realised heck, I have 4 years. And seeing as I came here alone, I didn't come with very much stuff - no food, no books and minimal clothing. I need to stock up on my supplies man. Supplies being underwear, shoes, electronics, books... And of course, tom yum paste, bah kut teh herbs and all sorts of yummy food that will see me through days when all that is on the menu is Fish and Chips. AGAIN.

Plus I just realised my friends wouldn't have left yet... or those who have will be coming back! Can we say Christmas partyyyy???? I'm quite excited now. Looking forward to warm weather, good food and great company. Penang is the place to be this season =)

BTW... anyone want anything in particular? If not I shall just return with copious amounts of crap and candy.

P.S Nobody better bloody feed me Fish and Chips back home. Oh god the horrooorrrr. I demand normal food! And proper vegetables.

P.P.S. Alan koko wanted something right? I forgot what it was already. Was it more puzzles for Baby Ryan? <--- The amount of puzzles that kid does, he's gonna be the next Einstein. Might as change his name to Albert now.

Quickie

Back from the lovely town of Stratford Upon Avon.

I shall blog more about it when I find the time.

But as it is... back to Math.

As for that whole drama on my cBox... my mummy needs to check her emails on the weekends tis' all. Sighh... falling sick again. I feel so listless. Had to rush to finish a tutorial because the deadline was 2 hours earlier than expected so I'm suffering an adrenaline crash. Added to that I'm falling sick again thanks to the temperamental weather.

And my parents have decided I should go home if I really can't find a place to live (since all my evil friends are running back home to escape the cold) In fact they're actively encouraging it. It's hard to protest because the thought of going home to properly cooked food, normal weather - warmth and comfort and familiarity- is just so tempting right now. Like seriously... tempting... I might even make it home in time for my birthday.

Mum says "Come home la. We'll feed you fat fat before you go back."

Oh but for happy days on my sunny island.

Cheers to my second bout of homesickness

(I get one every 2 or 3 weeks)

Don't worry. They don't last long.

No time to mope =S

Smile.